


You saved me

by LonelySunflower



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: M/M, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25054891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelySunflower/pseuds/LonelySunflower
Summary: Robbe has lost it all; his mom is at the hospital, he doesn't have much money and staying home is a tortureNow, he's living in the corner of a street in Antwerp until one day, with a glance, everything changesOr the fic where Robbe is homeless and Sander is a rude businessman
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 37
Kudos: 101





	1. Rebel

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! here I am with a new fic!  
> This is just a prologue to get you in the story, other chapters will obviously be longer than this one.  
> I'll probably post once a week because posting every 3 days is too short for me and has put me under a lot of stress the past month.  
> Just so you know, if I can post in less than a week, I'll do it❤  
> Also, the number of chapters might change
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy❤

He’s the one everyone fears…or hate.

He’s the one that can make days feel infinite, the only one that can make working, a living hell. His voice is as harsh as his personality. Some people still had hope that he was, deep down, a good person. But lots of them gave up on him.

He’s a lonely soul, he doesn’t feel the need to have friends, he doesn’t want to.

That would make him seem too fragile for his own good. Sander cut himself out of the world, he pushed people away by being rude to them because he didn’t want them to see his true, ugly self. And after some time doing it, he figured out being rude wasn’t that hard, so he continued.

He started his business when he was 20, Sander is not the type of person that would study for years only to be a doctor. When he finished school, he created a photography agency, it rapidly got famous and now, let’s say he has a lot of money.

And he’s happy with it, he spends it in the way he wants, he doesn’t have to share it with anyone.

But deep down, Sander knows something is missing. He wondered if he was asexual but decided he didn’t want to identify with a particular sexuality first of all because he doesn’t have much experience with relationships and also because he actually does not want to.

Sander lately realized he needed a presence, something, someone he could interact with.

That’s why he’s on his way to the pet shop to get a puppy. Maybe this will make him whole, it could be this. After all, there has to be something so why not a pet.

When he arrives there, A little dog runs to him. He has blue eyes, almost crystal clear. Sander falls in love, he seems happy and from the moment he ran to him, this dog had already won Sander’s heart. He picks the dog up and says “Can I adopt him?” and for the first time in so long, he asks a question with kind eyes.

The lady who is smiling in front of him only replies “So, tell me, what’s his name?”

“His name? Hum, let’s call him…Rebel” Sander smiles “Yeah, Rebel”

************************

Life hasn’t been easy on him. His mom is sick, his dad left…

At this age, it shouldn’t matter that much to him, but it does. It does because, his dad didn’t leave anything for them. It matters because he has so much problems it feels like he’s suffocating, under water. His mom has been interned a few days ago and he can’t bring himself to come home, not after what happened.

So now, there he is, resting on the ground. Waiting for the day to pass by.

Robbe likes observing people, he sees sad people and gets the urge to hug them but has to contain himself. He sees busy people and thinks about how he would like to only have a job. He sees people smiling and smiles to himself.

Robbe has a kind of soul that can look through everyone and feel the happiness or the pain of the moment. He hasn’t been able to look at his soul lately. Because it’s so much easier to think about other people’s lives, problems and avoid his own.

His entire world has darkened in a short amount of time. Yesterday, he was happy, the sun was brightening his face but today, all he can see in the rain wetting the only pair of jeans he has on him.

Robbe was a happy kid. But eventually, he grew up and slowly, the perhaps of a happy ending vanished.

So, there he is, seated in a street, with nothing better to do than wait for time to pass and life to take him then, suddenly, a little dog appears out of nowhere and cuddles with him. Robbe loves dogs so it doesn’t bother him. He’s actually happy something or someone noticed him but obviously, it has to bother someone…

“Could you stop touching my dog!” Robbe only sees the shoes of the man in front of him, he doesn’t dare to look at him, he has expansive shoes and Robbe is just a homeless man, sitting in the street. How pathetic of him.

Robbe let’s the dog go. And with the little courage he has left, lifts his head up to look at the man and says “Sorry”.

************************

Something happens in that moment, maybe they stare at each other for a little too long but something definitely happens. Sander feels empathy toward the guy in front of him, there is something in his eyes that makes Sander go crazy. Maybe this kindness he simply radiates, maybe it’s in the tiredness of his face. He cannot really tell, maybe it’s just the entirety of the boy in front of him that makes him go crazy.

There’s just something about him, powerful enough to destabilize Sander.

He smiles, a smile so true yet looking so dumb because Sander just doesn’t know how to act in front of him, he only has the guts to apologize for the way he was so aggressive. “No, it’s me, I’m sorry” He directs his hand towards the brown-haired boy and when the boy picks it, he lifts him off of the ground. “I’m Sander by the way”

The other boy shyly looks at him and says “Robbe, I’m Robbe”

“Well, Robbe it was nice meeting you. Maybe we’ll get to see each other soon” Robbe replies “As you can see, I’m not going anywhere, so you know where to find me, Sander”

Sander walks away with a huge smile on his face.


	2. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! here I am with a new chapter, I said I'd post every week and for some of you it's only been 6 day but where I am it's past midnight so let's say it's been a week🤍
> 
> Warning: I’m going to ask you to be careful while reading this chapter. A suicide attempt will me be mentioned, not the actual scene but Robbe will talk about it. He and Sander are not the ones that “tried” but still, please be careful.
> 
> Also, I know this particular subject can be pretty controversial, this is my story, this is me talking and opening about my experience and the way most of my surroundings reacted. All stories and lives are different, just because I experienced it this way doesn’t mean it’s the only way you can.
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you'll enjoy🖤

Sander has only been thinking about this handsome boy, he’s only been thinking about the way he made him feel. How strange and new it was.

Even though he’s happy that he has met him, he is so mad he can’t spend time with him. So, today at work, he’s being an ass, more than usual. If that’s even possible.

“Sander?” He hears someone knocking on the door

“Well, you can enter, now that you’ve disturbed me. What’s going on?”

“I, I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to stop working here…”

“And why is that? Are you too weak for this job?”

“No, I just want to change”

“Okay, needless to say that I don’t care, goodbye” He turned around on his chair so he wouldn’t face her anymore. Again, he was so mean to her but she was giving up on him, so why would he ask her to stay and be kind with her?

************************

It’s been a week since Robbe saw Sander for the first time. It’s been a week and he still feels the same about that man.

It’s a rainy day, everyone can hear the thunder and its loud noise. Everyone can see it hitting the ground. But especially him, because he’s had the time to observe it all day, crying. No one could see his tears since he had rain on his face but still, Sander could tell. At least if he was here.

He could tell if he was here seeing Robbe shiver with every new breeze that hits his body. He could tell by the little moments when Robbe couldn’t breathe anymore because he was crying too much. See? Anyone could tell because it’s obvious but only Sander puts his eyes on him. Only Sander looks at him without disgust, only Sander looks at him with kindness, like a random human being that’s just dealing with a lot.

Robbe stays in the rain, until their worlds collide, once again. “Come with me”

“But-”

“I was not asking” In that moment, he couldn’t care less about the rain or the people passing by on the street, he just hugged him. Because it’s what felt right and it felt right for the two of them.

They pulled away after some time, when Robbe had had the time to calm down and was ready to walk to Sander’s car, with him.

************************

“Y-you can use the guest room if you want, there’s a bathroom, clothes and a comfortable bed. Just take what you need”

“Why are you doing this?” Robbe asks

“Doing what?”

“Stop answering questions with questions. Why are you being so kind with me? We don’t even know each other; I could just steal some of your expensive stuff and leave. Why are you letting me in? Me, the man who lives in the corner of the street. Why me?” Robbe asks, almost out of breath. He’s rambling so much, what’s happening? Why would Sander take care of him like this?

“I don’t know Robbe.” Sander sighs “I know you wouldn’t do that and I trust you, I don’t know why but I do.”

************************

Robbe just took a bath and he’s in a strange situation. There’s no towel in the bathroom. Does he really need to embarrass himself like this? Well, he has to…

“Sander!” He calls with a shy voice, not wanting to bother anyone. He hears steps from across the room and a moment after, his beautiful voice resonates in the room.

“Can I enter-”

“No!” Robbe says harshly “Sorry it’s just that I couldn’t find a towel and I don’t want you to see me like this.

Sander snorts a little, a new smile on his face. One that only Robbe can bring on his face. He leans on the door for several seconds, just thinking about all of this. He grabs the towel and slightly opens the door to give it the brown-haired boy. But instead of a “Thank you”, the only thing he’s able to hear “I’m miserable”, the words muffled by heavy, heartbreaking cries.

He doesn’t hesitate, not even once. He opens the door and gets on his knees when he sees Robbe, seated on the bathtub. “Don’t say this, you’re not miserable-”

“You don’t know me! How could you say that?”

“Because it’s true” He doesn’t want to hear anything anymore, he simply takes him in his arms. That’s the only way he can communicate with him right now. Robbe needs an anchor. He needs something or someone to hold him, to make him feel real and alive, that’s what Sander wants to give him.

************************

Later that night, Sander finds himself entering his room, to look at him. It might seem creepy but he’s not here to only stare. He wants to see him at his most peaceful state so that he can remember how he looks like. He wants to remember that relaxed face of his to be able to never lose faith in him, even when he’s at his worst. Because something inside of him is telling Sander to never let that boy go.

He falls asleep, in the chair next to the bed. Maybe next morning, he’ll realize that everything that happened tonight was just a dream. But we’ll see tomorrow.

************************

Robbe cannot quite figure out what Sander is feeling. He doesn’t know what his true personality is. He doesn’t know how he interacts with people that are not him. He’s been thinking about it for days. Robbe is normally good at figuring people out, knowing their deepest truths with only one glance. But Sander has a secret side, he knows it and it’s so intriguing, Robbe wants to ask this boy thousands of questions but he knows that he has to let people open to him before he forces them. Before he breaks something.

************************

This morning, surprisingly, Sander is woken up by the scent of pancakes. He looks at his watch, curious and confused. ‘Who’s making breakfast at 7am?’ He asks himself “Ro- Robbe?” He stands up, now ready to cheer up. He’s like a kid on Christmas morning.

He jumps into the kitchen and hears, for the first time, the most beautiful laughter he’s ever heard. Robbe’s laughter, getting more intense every time a sound escapes his mouth. The sound almost makes Sander loose his balance “Hey” he approaches

“Hey” Robbe looks at him for a short second, too giddy to stare for too long “I tried making breakfast, I hope you don’t mind…”

“I don’t” Robbe smiles “What? Is it a smile on your face? Why?”

He laughs again “Nothing, it’s just- We used to do this every Sunday with my mom when I was younger. I’d always do this in a weird way and then flip the pancake in the air. She did too.” Robbe sighs “Good old times”

“Why old times?” Sander is too curious for his own good but he needs to learn more about Robbe after all, he’s sleeping in his apartment, he has to get know who sleeps in his home.

“Because we don’t do it anymore, I guess” Robbe sees Sander wants to know more, and he feels safe here, so, why not sharing his story? They seat in the enormous couch and Robbe starts talking “We used to do it with my brother, he passed away not so long ago and since that happened, my mom has been dealing with depression. And she tried to…you know…that’s why I was in that street, I can’t go home. I still have the images, the flashbacks.”

Sander only puts a hand on Robbe shoulder

“It’s so sad to think about that her fear was so big, she couldn’t even see that she was going to hurt people. Or maybe she was so sad that even the pain she would cause was not even the half of what she was feeling. I feel so guilty for not reacting fast enough. I saw her pain draw itself one her face, a little more every day that went by and still, I didn’t do anything to make her feel better”

“Hey!” Sander looks at the ground, trying to figure out the words he should use “Do you know what we say about people that tried to take their life? That’s an impulsive act, the thought can cross their mind at any moment and that’s it. It happens, you can’t blame yourself, even if the pain she was feeling was real, it’s not your fault. You will never be responsible for the way she felt when she tried to do this. You can never know what’s truly going on in someone’s mind, even if you know them by heart.” Robbe looks away but Sander takes his hands in his to make him look back at him. “Robbe, at least she’s getting help, tell me more about you…besides from your family, who are you? What do you enjoy?”

Robbe relaxes and he starts telling stories about these summers he’s spent surfing, the evenings he spent with the Broerrrs either skating or making YouTube videos. At his words, Sander realizes he doesn’t have the wonderful life he thought he had. He doesn’t have specific memories that make him smile like Robbe’s memories make him smile. He doesn’t think about the friends that he had back then while smiling because he had none. That’s what makes his story so vapid. The only thing that makes him different is his money. And to be honest, he’s considering if what he has done with his life was a good idea.

At some moments, their eyes find the others and a smile rises on both of their faces.

************************

Today, Sander has to go to work, he doesn’t want to leave Robbe alone but he has to. He’s been avoiding work for at least a week by now and even if he’s his own boss, people are going to think he’s weak and he doesn’t want to have this kind of image, never.

Before living, he writes a little note, as not to leave Robbe without anything and any expectations:

_Had to go to work, do whatever you want in the apartment. You can even go out if you want. Please come back if you do._

_I will. Have a good day._ ♡

To be honest, this morning, his heart is aching. He’s worried that maybe Robbe will leave him alone. He’s worried he’s been too much for this boy. He’s worried Robbe’s going to do something he shouldn’t. And he has to go to work, with all of this on his mind. Maybe he’s changing, maybe he wants to and is caring about others more than himself now. Or maybe he just cares about Robbe more than himself? And if this is the case…What does it really mean?

‘Whatever’ Sander thinks, it’s not the right time think about things like these. He hesitates a minute or two before kissing Robbe’s forehead. He doesn’t know where this affection is coming from and he’d like to understand it but he can’t bring himself to think about it. He doesn’t want to get attached to people who’ll probably leave him in the future. Today is a test, if Robbe leaves, then it’s his problem, after all, he’s not Sander’s responsibility. Even if it’ll break something in Sander’s heart, it’s his choice.

************************

This afternoon, when Sander comes back, he’s so worried he’ll find an empty apartment. He’s thought about it all day, he couldn’t get his mind to focus on anything else. He finds Robbe lying on the couch. His hand, petting Rebel’s back. This boy is giving him so much inspiration. What a soft sight.

‘Do you think he would mind if you took pictures of him while he’s asleep?’ Sander asks himself while looking at this beautiful, almost perfect face. ‘If I keep them private, I think it’s okay…’ He can’t control himself so, he takes a couple of pictures of them, from every angle he can find. He prints two and puts one on Robbe’s bed.

Sander sits on his bedroom floor to just…think. Think about it all. Today he got a job for Robbe but he has to figure out how to tell him. He has to figure out what his feelings towards him really mean.

He thinks about it for hours and understands that he doesn’t want a friendship with Robbe, he wants more than this, way more. He wants them to be one, he wants Robbe to understand him and he also want to make him feel understood. He wants to be someone he can count one, at any moment of the day or the night. Sander knows their meeting and start in general was not that usual but he wants to be with him, for sure. He wants to spend entire evenings staring at him without worrying if he’d feel uncomfortable about it. Sander knows, deep in his heart that they share a certain kind of connection, a strong bond. He’s the only one he’s ever wanted to share a connection like this one with.

************************

“S-Sander” The morning after, Robbe knocks on his bedroom door and the picture he found this morning in his left hand. Sander wakes up lightly

“Yeah?” He says with a raspy, still soft voice.

“I need to talk to you…” Sander immediately opens his eyes and seats up. Patting the bed as if to tell Robbe to come, sit next to him. And that’s what Robbe does.

“Me too”

“Please let me begin” Sander nods “I can’t stay here” The words Robbe pronounces hurt both of them, Sander doesn’t want him to leave. And as heartbreaking as it is, Robbe doesn’t want to leave either “I’ve thought about it, I can’t stay here forever, I don’t pay anything. It’s not what I like to do, I feel like I’m stealing your money,” He looks at the hoodie he’s wearing and chuckles slightly “Your clothes, I can’t continue like this, you’re going to regret giving me so much-”

“No, I don’t think so. I could never regret this. I could never regret meeting you or taking you home.” The two of them stop talking for a short moment, probably shocked about the way _home,_ in their hearts meant something different than the actual definition. For them, home meant love and safety. That’s what they’ve found in each other. “What I really mean is I want you to stay here.”

Robbe sighs “But you know it’s not that simple”

“Why wouldn’t it be that simple? You could just stay here and I found-”

“Because I’m too dependent, I can’t do anything without you or your money and I can’t keep a job because no one believes in me, okay? I’m hopeless! Stop trying to save me! I couldn’t even take care of my mom properly, how could I take care of myself” Robbe starts sobbing and Sander comes closer to hug him.

“Then, I think we’re more alike than I thought.” He takes Robbe’s hand “Can I talk a little” Robbe nods, now calmed by Sander’s embrace. “You have nothing to do with how your mother felt”

“But I-” Sander puts his finger on Robbes lips.

“Please let me talk, you have nothing to do with this and if you still think you do, you have to find a way to forgive yourself because she’s your mother and she will never put all the shade on you. Because she loves you, no matter what you do or don’t do. No matter what you believe or don’t believe.” Sander lets Robbe take all that he said in and continues. “And she’ll love you even more when she’ll learn that you have a new job” Sander says, now grinning.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“You remember that girl who quit her job? The job’s for you. I know your worth, I know I can trust you; the job is well paid and you don’t have a lot of things to do. Your schedule won’t be really busy, you will be able to see your mom as often as you want and-” Sander stops, not wanting to cross the line now.

“But I don’t want to have that job if other people deserve it more than I do” Robbe looks at Sander “I don’t want to be privileged”

“You’re not, no one applied to that job so it’s all yours, stay here, with me. Take this job.”

Robbe thinks about it all for a moment. He comes to the conclusion that it was meant to be. He didn’t meet Sander just because he was passing by with his dog, Sander didn’t take him home just because he wanted to. Something inside him was making him do this so why not trust destiny? “Yeah”

“What?”

“Yes!” A smile rising on Robbe’s face.

Sander stands up and takes Robbe to the living room with him. “Rebel Rebel” starts playing and the two of them start dancing together, cheering up. Everyone here is happy, even the puppy is dancing with them, Sander is singing at the top of his lungs and it makes Robbe laugh so hard.

That’s when he realizes he wants his life to be like this, every day. Happy or sad moments, it doesn’t matter, just spontaneous actions.

“Fuck it” Sander says before kissing him, Robbe is cut off guard but he doesn’t pull away. He doesn’t because it strangely feels good. He doesn’t because it’s what he’s been dreaming about this past week. He’s dreamt about kissing the one that showed what home really means for some people.

He doesn’t know what’s going to happen next but right now, that’s the least of his concerns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how was it?  
> I think a lot of you know it by now, comments are very appreciated, kudos as well.  
> Everything is appreciated here so don't hesitate🤍  
> This was a short chapter too but it's been quite hard to come up with something good and long so there we are.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, thank you so much for reading🤍
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ironymane
> 
> Love you all❤Stay safe


	3. I saved him!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading, commenting and leaving kudos. It really means the world to me to have some feedback  
> It's an early chapter because some of you asked for it and something is telling me that you will want more at the end of this chapter so sorry for the wait!!🤍  
> Hope you'll enjoy!
> 
> Also, italics are thoughts or messages❤❤

A lot could’ve happened. But it would’ve been way too much, too soon. So, nothing really happened.

The night after their first kiss was quite awkward, Robbe wanted to sleep in Sander’s bed but didn’t know if that’s what Sander wanted. He didn’t ask, too scared of making Sander uncomfortable. Sander didn’t ask either, he didn’t want to break the moment they were sharing by talking so he simply grabbed Robbe’s hand and led him to the bed. Murmuring “Good night” while settling in the brunette’s arms. The night was quiet, they didn’t move, they felt too good the way they were.

Robbe started working at Sander’s agency. On his first day he was so anxious, he had to wear a suit and a tie, which he had never worn in his life. He was entering a new world but luckily, he wasn’t alone. He had someone he liked, maybe even loved at his side, to help and make him feel safe. Or that’s what he thought because as soon as they entered the building, he was on his own. Trying to find the place where he was supposed to be.

A lot of things were new but he quickly made friends who helped him. Sander had told him that the people working at his agency were pretty boring but that’s probably because he wasn’t close enough to them. Robbe met incredible people there, this boy named Aaron, he wasn’t the smartest but he was so funny, he was the one who made days brighter at work. He met this bossy woman, Zoe, who taught him how to use the agency’s software.

Robbe spent a night at hers with some of her friends, apparently, they were all from the same high school, except for Noor. She was in a more artsy school and to be honest, he could definitely see it. She wasn’t like most people, she had a special way of talking to people, she noticed the tiniest details.

That night, when Robbe came home, he found a sleepy Sander, exhausted by his day. “Hi, had a good night?” Sander asked with a raw voice. Robbe didn’t answer, he only shushed him, got in bed and hugged him. He peppered kisses on his face until he was comfortable enough to fall back asleep. “It’s okay, I’m here…we’re here.”

Robbe had observed Sander for long days and quickly understood that even if he needed someone to take care of him, he also had to pay attention to Sander. Because he might not be the only one that’s broken inside. There were moments when Sander just sat down and thought, for hours. Robbe never dared to ask. Some questions don’t have answers.

This morning, Robbe wakes up, the sunlight warming his face. He hears a soft sound, Sander’s breathing, he’s safe. Some days when Robbe wakes up, he is scared that this was all a dream and he is slowly coming back to reality but no. Sander is still here, his head is still lying on his chest, his heart is still beating. He shivers a little when his boyfriend’s hot breath hits his neck, then, an idea comes to his mind. Robbe has to fight with himself to get out of bed. He wants to stay so bad, share this moment with Sander. Stare at his sleepy and relaxed face maybe even wake him up with soft kisses. He concludes that if he’s quick enough, maybe, he’ll get to do that.

He stands up and walks in the kitchen’s direction. He wants to surprise Sander today so he tries to cook something before he wakes up and he succeeds. He puts the lunchboxes in his bag and comes back to their bedroom where he finds a confused Sander, searching for his presence. Both of then smile and Robbe gets back in bed to cuddle a little longer

************************

When he knocks on the door, Robbe is smiling so brightly, first of all because he found Sander’s office which, to be honest is almost unreal and also because he knows he’s going to surprise him, maybe even bring a smile to his face and he cannot wait.

“Enter” Sander’s concentrated voice is a bliss

“Hey!” Sander instantly looks up; he recognized his voice almost instantly. It wasn’t the one he was expecting to hear despite the fact that it was the one he wanted to hear the most.

“What are you doing here?” He’s so destabilized, the happiness he’s feeling isn’t even showing on his face and that worries Robbe.

“Sorry, I-” Robbe sighs and starts walking away but is pushed back in someone’s arms. _His_ arms.

“I’m happy you’re here, I’m just a little confused okay” Sander says from behind him, still holding him. Two hands on his hips. Robbe turns around, the smile he had when walking into the room had come back.

“I was making lunch for us this morning. I know it’s been hard on you lately and I wanted to surprise you a little.”

Sander was just discovering what a relationship with Robbe meant. It was a lot of commitment, a lot of love but mostly, a lot of lovely little attentions. Sander found himself smiling for a meal. It had never happened before. But Robbe was teaching him how to appreciate every moment of his life, he wasn’t doing it on purpose though. His presence just genuinely made Sander’s life better. “Fuck Robbe”

Robbe frowned his brows “What is there anything wrong?”

“No” He kissed his cheek “You’re just the best thing that happened to me.”

_This is perfect_ Sander thinks, they’ve finished eating, they’re just lying on the ground for some reason. Just talking and laughing, until someone knocks on the door and Sander jumps.

Fear, that’s what Robbe sees in his eyes. Why is he scared?

“No, no don’t come in just yet” Sander says, lifting Robbe off of the ground and seating him on a chair. His movements are rushed, he doesn’t think about anything but time, time passing by while his assistant is waiting behind the door, probably suspecting something. She cannot know what’s happening here. “It’s okay, you can come in.”

Robbe is so confused, his mood completely switched, it’s so scary. He quickly realizes that no one knows about them being together and that’s what scares him.

Sander’s assistant doesn’t even look like she is asking herself questions, she just thinks that Sander must be having an appointment with a random college. And this already makes the younger boy angry, what makes it worse is her, flirting with _his_ boyfriend. And Sander isn’t even realizing it, he’s even receptive. Robbe is so confused in this moment but he doesn’t want to show it. He just stands up and says “I’ll leave you two, I have some work to be done”. When he pronounces the words, Sander realizes something is wrong, he can hear it in his voice. He grabs his wrist as if to ask him “Please stay” but Robbe just looks at Sander assistant and says “Good bye”. His tone isn’t harsh, his voice is soft but Sander can still hear that he is bitter. _He’ll text him later_

Before closing the door behind him, Robbe gives a last glance in the room and catches Sander’s worried eyes, looking back at him. He gives him a smile to reassure him, make him think it’s not a big deal. Robbe doesn’t want to cause drama. But maybe he should?

Robbe returns to his desk where he finds Zoe waiting for him. “Where were you?” Arms crossed, this doesn’t look good at all

“Sorry am I late?!” Robbe starts freaking out, god he simply can’t keep a job, he’s not good at anything.

Zoe puts a hand on his shoulder “No no no! Don’t worry! I was just asking because you don’t usually go out to eat” even if she made it clear that nothing was wrong, she can see that Robbe isn’t doing well “Robbe what’s going on?”

“What do you know about the boss’ assistant?”

She doesn’t ask any questions before answering “I don’t know she seems kind of dumb and boring. Seriously, she has a crush on Mr. Driesen. Like why?” she pauses and it gives Robbe enough time to think about what Zoe just said.

“Why would it be dumb to have a crush on him?”

“Because he’s an asshole.” She states

“What?”

“Yeah, he treats everyone like shit, you’re new here but you’ll get to know him, don’t worry” Zoe says while rolling her eyes.

But the thing is, Robbe has spent hours getting to know Sander and he has never been like what Zoe described. The thought of it almost seems unreal. Robbe cannot see Sander being like this. His thoughts are stopped by the notification on his phone:

_Sander sent you a message_

He opens the message

**_Sander:_ ** _Robbe, please excuse me for reacting like that earlier. It’s just that I haven’t told my assistant yet._

**_Robbe:_ ** _Then why didn’t you do it when I was with you?_

Robbe’s message is so cold it ices Sander’s blood

**_Sander:_ ** _Robbe…_

**_Robbe:_ ** _What I’m trying to say is that you could’ve done it but you didn’t want to admit to yourself or the world that you’re dating the man from the corner of the street and I honestly understand, stop wasting your time with me._

Robbe’s own insecurities are ruining it all. But he deeply knows he doesn’t deserve this life. He doesn’t deserve a man like Sander. He doesn’t deserve this job because he only got it because of Sander. He doesn’t deserve these friends because they came into his life because of a job he doesn’t deserve.

On the other side of the phone, Sander feels terrible, seeing the things Robbe is writing makes him sore. Robbe deserves everything he can get. Sander is going to prove him he is proud of being his boyfriends. Of course, he has no better idea than climbing on a table and shout “Listen! Robbe IJzermans is my boyfriend. I saved him, he was living in a street and I brought him at mine. I love that man, I love him.”

At this moment, all Robbe can feel is shame and disappointment. Luckily, Aaron gets him out of the room “That piece of shit only wants to make himself feel better, that’s nothing close to love.” And yes, it might be the most hurtful words Aaron has ever said to Robbe but they also are the truest words Robbe has ever heard coming out pf his mouth.

Sander has a big smile on his face, he’s searching for Robbe but cannot find his face in the crowd. He’ll see him at home, it doesn’t matter

While Sander is thinking what he’s done is going to solve everything, Zoe is calling Senne, her boyfriend, so he can pick Robbe up. He arrives as soon as he can and Robbe enters the car.

“Hi! Where do you want me to drive you?”

“Umm, at _(let’s pretend it’s Sander’s address).”_

************************

They arrive some time later and Robbe grabs his stuff, he doesn’t have many things so it doesn’t take long but still. Sander is home before he’s gone. “Hi!”

Sander wants to hug him, kiss him, touch him. He wants to make Robbe feel loved but the brown-haired boy pulls away “No!”

“Robbe? What? Did I do something wrong?”

“Did you?” Robbe asks

“I don’t understand what’s happening, what have I done? I told everyone about us.”

“You didn’t just talk about it. Apparently, you’re my hero, you saved me. I didn’t ask you to tell my story and I didn’t ask you to _save me_ Sander.”

“But I did it for you, I told everyone for you.”

“No, you did this for you. If you had done it for me, you wouldn’t have told the entire world. You wouldn’t have told the entire world about the thing I am practically most ashamed of. If you had only thought about me, you wouldn’t have said all these things. You just would’ve come and kissed me because you know that’s how I communicate. You know we’ve already said I love you, a thousand times, we just used other things than our voices to form the words”.

Robbe’s phone starts ringing, i _t must be_ Senne _,_ he thinks. But no, it’s not him. When he sees “Hospital” appear on his screen, he doesn’t hesitate and picks up the phone. “Hi! What’s happening?” He says in an anxious rush, not even daring to speculate on what’s possibly happening.

“Your mom is doing better; visits are allowed so you’re free to come.”

Sander sees Robbe’s face enlighten “Yes, of course. Thank you so much!” Robbe has almost forgotten that Sander is in the room with him, he looks up “I gotta go” He starts walking towards the door but Sander follows him

“Robbe we need to talk”

“No! I really need to go and there’s nothing else to say here. Do you want us to brag for hours about how we disagree with one another? That’s a waist of time. I need to see my mom.”

“You’re mom?” Sander lets him go; his mom is more important than him.

Before his hand is completely out of his touch, Robbe caresses the palm of Sander’s hand with his thumb. An act that leaves both of them confused.

************************

He hops in the car. “Senne, can we go to the hospital?”

He nods. No words are said during the ride, Robbe is way too stressed.

_How is she going to react? Does she want to see me? Am I doing something wrong by going there? Maybe she’s doing better without me?_

“Robbe?” Senne says “Tell me about your life” it’s the only subject he finds to get him out of his thoughts. “I know Zoe likes you lots, you must be pretty interesting.”

Robbe giggles “Are you saying that _you_ are an interesting guy?”

Senne pushes Robbe’s shoulder “Are _you_ saying that Zoe likes me lots?” at that, both of them laugh because they know this is an absurd question. Senne has succeeded, Robbe was distracted during the entire ride. He even seems relaxed so, that’s good.

“Thank you for the ride Senne, it was nice meeting you, I don’t deserve all of you” He started walking away.

“Robbe wait!” He turned around “You do deserve us, we’re your friends okay, and we’re friends with you because we chose to. So, you do deserve us okay? It was nice meeting you too, see you…And good luck!”

Robbe smiles and starts walking towards the entrance of the basement, his heart is beating so fast, he’s almost out of breath. But he needs to do it now or he’ll regret it. And when he thinks about it, he has nowhere to go.

He walks in “Where is Mrs. IJzermans room please?”

The girl he is talking to directs Robbe with her hands “There, room 37”

“Thank you”

He finds the room and waits for what feels like hours in front of it. Questioning his every movements, trying not to be seen. If he could be invisible, he would. But it’s time to face her. So, he enters the room and is surprised by his mom and her doctor. Both of them a saying “SURPRISE!” and there are balloons everywhere

He doesn’t know what to say “What?” His mom is standing, she’s dressed, he rapidly connects the dots.

“I’m ready to come home!” She says.

“Wait, I could’ve come sooner. Why did no one tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want you to see me like I was” she looks at her doctor and he understands he needs to give them some privacy. As soon as he’s gone, Robbe’s mom (Marie) hugs him. Robbe doesn’t know what’s happening but it feels good. “So, you’re not mad at me?” He asks, his voice muffled in his mom’s neck.

“No! Robbe why would I be mad at you; you didn’t do anything wrong” She just took a huge wait off of his shoulders.

But still, “I did a lot of things wrong mom. I didn’t notice you weren’t doing good. Even if I did realize you weren’t okay, I didn’t do anything to help you.” He puts his face in his hands “I’m a terrible son”

“No, you’re not Robbe. Listen to me” He looks at her, focused “You didn’t do anything wrong. What happened was about me. And it’s gone okay? I’m doing much better. Yes I am still fragile but I’ve always been, and we got through it together. As long as we have each other, it’ll be alright.”

“I missed you” These are the only words he pronounces.

“Me too, come on. Let’s get home”

************************

They enter the house, slowly, together. They make the other one feel safe and right now, that’s all they need.

They get in, step by step. “Are you going to be okay?” Robbe asks, scared.

“I need to do this.”

“Only if you’re ready, we have time”

“Robbe, it’s okay. Are _you_ okay?”

“Yes, you’re here.”

“Then let’s do it.”

************************

Robbe and Sander haven’t showed up at work for more than a week.

**Robbe:** He stayed in his room, hidden under the covers of his bed. His mom now knew what happened between Sander and Robbe. She was taking care of her son. That’s the least she could do; Try to stitch the wound Sander had opened in Robbe’s heart. The boy was craving for him, his touch, his voice. Everything that made Robbe feel alive and at ease. But he couldn’t have this anymore because both of them had ruined it all.

**Sander:** He’s let himself die, in bed. He has no one to care about him and it’s understandable, because he’s rotten to the bones. He ruined it all, he’s entire life. Robbe was the only person that once made him believe that he had a purpose in life, that it wasn’t just an endless suffering loop. But now that he’s gone, life is as numb as it was before.

Sander’s phone has been ringing the entire day so he now picks up the phone, tired of hearing this terrible sound. It’s his assistant, who else could it be?

“Sander I’m glad you picked up”

“What is it? Please don’t make this last too long, I don’t have the energy to do this.”

“Hum, one of you employees has been avoiding work for more than a week now, should I fire him?”

“Of course—Wait who is that?”

“IJzermans Robbe”

“NO! Don’t fire him. I don’t care if we’re losing money, you can’t fire him.”

“Okay calm down. Are you planning on coming back to work soon?”

“I don’t know honestly” He hangs up.

_Robbe is probably avoiding work because he thinks I’m there. Not because he’s as affected as I am. I fucked it all up._

He writes him a message

**_Sander:_ ** _Robbe I know you haven’t been to work, you can go, I won’t be there to bother you…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I know, I know you all hate me.  
> What can I say...sorry?  
> But angst is one of my favorite things to write!! I know it's really frustrating to read so sorry to all of you.  
> Last thing, I don't know how I'm going to write the next chapter, I have some problems with my laptop but I'll do my best to deal with it, promise❤  
> Thank you for reading  
> Don't hesitate, comments and kudos are highly appreciated
> 
> Love you🖤Stay safe
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ironymane


	4. You saved me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, lol you cannot even imagine how hard it was to write this chapter😂  
> But here we are (I enjoyed writing the chapter, only laptop problems)  
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, also, thank you to everyone who asked for/suggested a 5th chapter.  
> I write because I like to but if I can make you happy by doing some things, don't be afraid, let me know. I'll be glad to "listen"  
> Italics are thoughts, messages or memories  
> I'll let you read in peace.  
> Hope you'll enjoy❤

_**Sander:** _ _Robbe I know you haven’t been to work; you can go, I won’t be there to bother you…_

Looking at this message, Robbe breaks down in tears. He doesn’t know how to act anymore, is he sad because of the home he has lost? Is he sad because of the way Sander talked about him? Is he sad because he misses Sander?

_Was I just someone who was supposed to make him feel better? Nothing more?_

This was the only question on his mind. It had been this one since he’d walked away from him. Love and hate are two similar feelings, two deeply passionate feelings that could make us lose our minds. They’re almost too similar, that’s why it makes it harder for us to not hate the person we love.

But Robbe couldn’t feel hate towards Sander. Love has never been an understandable feeling. It can hurt us as much as it can make us feel whole and happy. Right now, Robbe is just deeply sad, because the sadness hasn’t turned into anger, yet. Will it ever turn into anger?

Sander was the only man that ever made Robbe breathe, even when he was drowning under water.

Today, Robbe has to understand that he has to breathe for himself and no one else. He has to understand that even if he’s drowning, there’s always a way to the surface, he just has to look for it. Yes, Sander has been his first way to the surface, but life is hundreds of paths that only lead to one immense road. If he’s locked in this room of sadness, he has to find an exit.

He has been rambling that to himself these past few days and today, he finally has the courage to stand up and find the exit of this toxic room. He puts on his work clothes and eats breakfast but never makes it to the outside. Instead, he breaks down in his mother’s arms. One of the safest places on this planet. He breaks down because it’s all too much. Too much pain, too many feelings for just one human being. This pain should be divided and spread but with whom? Robbe is the one who feels like this, because he’s the one guy that got to know Sander personally. The entire world is convinced that Sander is a terrible person and to be honest, Robbe is starting to believe it as well. Maybe the person he thought was the real Sander… actually wasn’t. Maybe it was someone else. And he’ll never get to know this, he’ll never have an answer. Maybe it’s for the best.

************************

Zoe has been searching for it for quite a long time. And obviously, her happiness and relief are so overwhelming when she finds it that she has to shout “YES!”. Feeling embarrassed almost a second after saying it, she turns around and all eyes are on her “Sorry” she says, still excited. She’s been searching for Robbe’s contract for 3 days now, she knows the employee’s addresses are written on the contracts and she wants to check on Robbe. Because even if she thinks Sander is an asshole, if Robbe got attached to him, she has to help him, his heart must be broken.

So, after her long day of work, she drives to the address. She climbs up the stairs. She admires the basement because it is so beautiful, she didn’t know Robbe had money like that, maybe it was his parents. When she knocks on the door, she realizes why this place seems so “expensive”. It’s Sander’s apartment.

When the boy opens the door, the glimmer of hope that had remained in his eyes until now, escaped his gaze “Robbe?”

“No, but I’m looking for him” She says with a rough tone, she doesn’t want to be kind or sweet with him. He’s a pain in the ass, he hurt her friend. She has so much to say about him, she has to stop thinking about it because the list of all the shitty things he’s done is too long anyway. “Do you know his address?”

“I-”

_Sander is seated on the couch and Robbe is lying down, his head resting on his tights._

_“Yeah, our house was right next to the school so I walked there every morning. Especially when my mom didn’t feel well. You know, when we lost my brother, she fell deep in depression but…she had always been like this, her sadness only got bigger”_

_…_

_It always was comforting to know that Robbe felt safe enough to share such things with Sander. He just opened up at random moments, that’s what made it special. Robbe was never asked to share his deep thoughts, still, he shared them. It might annoy some people to listen to others talk about their lives and problems but for Sander, getting to know more about Robbe felt like a privilege. He cherished and remembered every little moment like this one. Simple but so meaningful to him._

“Yeah?”

“Do you know this school downtown?”

“Yes.”

“It’s there, number 23. Please, could you tell me how he’s doing?”

She frowns her eyebrows “Why do you care?”

His eyes start getting watery “Trust me, if I knew how much it would have hurt him, I never would’ve done it. Not like that. I know you don’t like me but he doesn’t answer my texts and doesn’t go to work. I want to know if he’s alright as much as you do…”

“Maybe, I’ll tell you”

With that, she walks away and calls Senne. “Yeah, he’s there. Wait for me”

************************

When she arrives there, Senne’s car is already parked in front of the house. Milan is with him, he must’ve insisted. She kisses him before walking to the door. Senne knocks and someone, a woman answers “I’m coming”, She opens the door “Hi! Can I help you”

_This is Robbe’s mom for sure_ Zoe thinks _They have the same smile_

“We’re looking for Robbe IJzermans” Milan says because everyone seems to be busy, thinking.

She smiles and lets them enter “He’s upstairs, please be gentle with him.”

“We will” Zoe replies, looking at her with king eyes.

************************

They slightly open the door and Robbe can hear it “Mom?”

Senne sighs and Robbe turns around. “What are you doing here?” he says while hiding his face with his hands.

Only Zoe dares to approach him, she seats next to him and he instantly leans in her touch. The two other boys join him and they all share a collective hug, rhythmed by phrases like “It’s going to be alright” or “We’re here”

That afternoon, they share a long talk

“What are you going to do?” Milan asks

“I don’t know…I don’t even know what his feelings towards me really are. I don’t know if he did this on purpose, only to hurt me or if he was blinded by what he thought was the right thing to do”

“I saw him this morning”

“And?” Senne asks

“And he looked desperate, he was on the verge of crying. For the first time, he made me feel bad for him. He asked me to tell him how you are doing but I don’t want to do it without you will.”

“Don’t do it.”

“Robbe, I think you really need to talk to him. The two of you can’t continue lie this, it eating you inside. Face to face Robbe” Senne says

Milan adds “You need to see him to know what’s really going on in both of your heads and hearts.”

“I’ll think about it” 

************************

While Robbe is hesitating, Sander is entering this endless loop of just suffering. Because nothing makes sense anymore. Robbe made everything possible for him but now that he’s not here anymore, Sander feels like he’s stuck, like nothing that he’ll do that isn’t related to him will ever work. And maybe it’s true because Sander has nothing, no one to wake up to in the morning. He misses staring at his face for hours, he misses getting caught and almost feeling embarrassed because of it. Almost because no one should feel guilty for staring at his face, at least Sander shouldn’t because he is, no, he was his.

Now he’s gone and it hurts to talk about _them_ as something that’s ended, something that is from the past because Sander’s feelings are still present, every second of every day. And he doesn’t know if they’re ever going to disappear or become a vague memory. He doesn’t want them to, he doesn’t want to forget about the truest thing he has ever felt. He doesn’t want to forget a face as beautiful as Robbe’s. He doesn’t want to forget a touch as perfect for him as Robbe’s. He doesn’t want to forget moments as intimate as the ones he has had the privilege to share with Robbe.

Everything that is related to Robbe is something he wants to remember, forever. Instead of crying in his bed or on the floor in the middle of his living room, Sander decides there’s only one way to never forget Robbe.

Seeing him every day. Since he cannot physically see him, he’s going to recreate his face.

He prints out hundreds of pictures he’s taken of him and starts a collage on one of his apartment’s big walls. Thousands of pictures have been printed out, he can now start.

As soon as he starts, he is in this frenzy, he can’t escape this work, he spends hours, even days searching for the right picture that could fit the collage perfectly. He spends hours on choosing the right angle for the picture. He never stops, he doesn’t eat, he doesn’t sleep. All of this because the only thing that’s left in him isn’t life or death, it’s just the half of his heart. And everything he finds in it is Robbe, because when he left, he took the other half with him. Robbe is the only thing on Sander’s mind.

************************

He has decided, it took him 3 days but he’s ready. He knows he has to do it. Today, he’s going to see Sander. He knows he’ll be there. He doesn’t know if he’s prepared for what’s going to happen because he simply doesn’t know what Sander is feeling.

He walks, in the streets of Antwerp, he sees murals, flowers and he realize how beautiful this city is. Yes, he realizes it for no reason. He also thinks about how it must be interesting for a photograph like Sander to live here. There are so many beautiful places and things to capture. He’d love to see this city through his eyes. And as he’s thinking about him, he arrives at his apartment building.

He climbs up the stairs, one by one. He takes all the time he can to figure out what he could say. He is now standing in front of the door.

_What should I say? “Hi!” No! Not “Hi” this is too chill._

Yes, it’s chill but he doesn’t want Sander to feel threatened, he knows how sensitive he is, even if no one believes him. Or maybe he’s the one who’s wrong, he still doesn’t know.

He knocks on the door once, twice. But no one answers.

Sander doesn’t care about who knocking, he has to finish this collage and to be honest he doesn’t want to see anyone unless…

“Sander?”

_Is that-_

_Is this Robbe? What should I do?_

There’s no thinking about this, he runs to the door and opens it. There’s this moment of silence when both of them start thinking if it was a good idea. They also ask themselves why is the other one in front of them. They spent so much time convincing themselves the other one didn’t love them that they didn’t even considered the possibility of seeing each other again. The two of them sigh, relieved.

“Sander…” Simply hearing his name in Robbe’s mouth makes him hurt. Then Robbe sees what behind Sander “What were you doing?”

Sander looks in his eyes “Putting our memories on the wall”

“Why?”

“Why? Are you serious Robbe? Isn’t it obvious?”

“No, no it’s not. Nothing makes sense anymore Sander”

“Because I miss you, because I don’t want to open my eyes in the morning if I can’t see you or think about you. So, I tried to make something that’ll make me feel like you’re here. But it’s definitely not working, the ache is still here. And I can only blame myself”

“Sander, I need to know…”

“Ask me, anything”

“Was I just an experience? What we had, was it real?”

“Robbe” he can’t hold on anymore, he kisses him, passionately. Putting all his love in the gesture “Do you really think this isn’t real?” He says while putting their foreheads together. Finally, able to think, to feel, to _breathe_ without hurting. “I know I fucked up and I hate myself when I think about the fact that I am the only one who ruined it all. That you gave me love I didn’t deserve. But I promise you, I loved you. I still do. I’m trying not to but I can’t get you out of my head, I can’t, I’m not strong enough to live in a world that has never seen your beautiful face or your smile. A world that has never heard you laugh. I can’t forget you, it would hurt too much”

“Sander I-”

“I know I’m an asshole but I want to change, you know who I am. You’re the only person I’ve ever felt safe enough with to reveal my real self. I’ll change I want to be the one I am with you, I’m tired of hurting people Robbe. You’re the one who showed me that I didn’t have to be a bad person to be respected, appreciated and loved, it’s the contrary.”

“Sander I don’t know if I can trust you… Two minutes ago, I was still thinking I didn’t mean anything to you. That we had never been something real”

Sander takes Robbe’s hand an put it on his heart. “Can you feel my heartbeat?”

Robbe nods

“It’s you, it’s because of you Robbe. I’ve never felt more alive than when I was with you. Robbe, I’ve always been in there, I just needed something, someone to pull me out from the dark. I was wrong. I didn’t save you, you saved me. You saved me from myself.”

Robbe wants to reply but words aren’t powerful enough. So, he kisses him.

Sander starts crying and murmurs “Robbe… talk to me, what are you doing? What are we doing?

“I love you” Both of their eyes get watery, remembering the last time one of them said it. Last time was a mistake, that’s why they’re going to create new memories together. Starting now.

They kiss again, but the kiss never ends.

For a huge part of his life, Robbe thought that sex was just about sex. But it’s not really this. Right now, he doesn’t want to have sex with Sander, he wants to make love to him. TO create a special bond. To be intimate with him. Share a moment, just with him, apart from the real world and all the worries they have about what tomorrow is holding for them.

“Robbe stop”

“Hey” he says breathless “What’s wrong?”

Sander looks away “I don’t know if we should do this”

“Sander, what are you afraid of? Are you not ready? Is it me?”

“No, no it’s not you. I’m afraid _you_ ’ll regret it.”

“Why would I regret this Sander?”

“Because there are some parts of myself, I’d like not to exist. And I’m afraid you’re going to regret seeing the real me. I’m scared of hurting you.”

“Sander, please look at me.” He looks at him, right in the eyes “If you forget me, do you want this?”

“Yeah, of course Robbe”

“I want it too; it doesn’t matter if I see things in you that you’re afraid of. I came back for you, not just the good parts. I love you, entirely”

“You don’t know that”

“Then let’s find out together huh? Right now, I might not love the entirety of who you are, because I haven’t seen it all and also because you’re being quite stubborn” He says while making fun of him “But I know that I love you”

“I love you too” Then it continues.

They both feel safe in each other’s arms. They feel touched and looked at in the softest way possible. They even feel admired. This is a total new feeling. Maybe they fall off the bed, and kiss on the ground because they can’t stay apart. They’ve been craving the other for way too long, they can’t let go, not now.

They smile at each other, during kisses. They laugh, too.

Magic travels through their veins. Sander was afraid of what was going to happen but Robbe has never been surer of his feelings for him. He’s never wanted to share something like this with anyone else, because it never felt right. It always felt rushed but with Sander, it almost felt like it had taken them too long. It felt right, for the first time. And maybe, the fact that they waited made it better.

************************

After this enchanted moment, they stayed up all night, talking about nothing and everything. Just appreciating each other’s company. Cherishing every moment, they could spend together, because even if they knew they had forever, it still felt too short.

“You know that I’m sorry for saying what I said? I wanted to make it official because I’m not ashamed of dating you, I feel lucky to even have you in my life Robbe. I meant it when I said I love you. You make me feel happy and whole. You make me feel like I can be myself without worrying if it’s going to make you uncomfortable.”

Maybe the night ends with these words, or maybe it ends with kisses and unspoken promises. But that’s a moment only the two of them remember.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo, how was it?  
> I don't have much more to say, I sincerely hope you enjoyed  
> Thank you for reading❤
> 
> Don't hesitate, comments and kudos are highly appreciated
> 
> Love you🖤Stay safe
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ironymane


	5. I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back...and late sorry  
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, because YOU asked for it! No, more seriously thank you for being so invested in the story, it really touches me  
> I know this is far from being my longest work but you still read it so thank you!  
> I'll let you read the last chapter  
> Hope you'll enjoy❤

This morning is one of those when you wake up and you realize how lucky you are to be alive. At least for Sander. He woke up in someone’s arms and was a little surprised but when all the memories from the past night came back, he immediately felt safe again. Robbe is holding him, Sander slightly turns his head to kiss his chest.

Robbe is woken up by the feeling of soft lips on his chest. He smiles lightly and kisses Robbe’s head after that. “Hi”

Sander sighs “Please tell me this is the real life”

Robbe chuckles “Yes” he says trying to convince himself too “Yes, it is”

Hearing these words, Sander curls up even more around Robbe’s body “Do you remember the Bowie lyrics?”

“Which Bowie lyrics, there are so many”

Sander takes Robbe’s face in his hands to make it look at him “ _I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring_ That’s what I’m feeling.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I don’t know what’s going to happen but I know I’m not going to regret anything that’s happened, as long as you stay with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“You don’t know that”

“Sander, stop saying this, I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m staying here” he kisses his cheek “With you”

Sander kisses his lips and gets out of his arms.

“What are you doing…stay here!!”

No one had ever held onto Sander like this and he wanted to show him that he cared about him too, immensely. So, he bought this necklace to remind him that he would be here, forever. Because he cannot distance himself from his angel. He cannot distance himself from the happiness he is feeling right now. It’s like an addiction, once you’ve touched it, it doesn’t matter if you’ve only done it once, it will haunt you for life. Because you’ll need it, you’ll crave for it. Robbe represents all the happiness Sander has ever felt, that’s why he needs to hold onto him too.

“Wait” he returns to the bed, something in his hand. He gets back in bed “I bought this fir you before, you know, everything that happened. I want to give it to you now because it makes so much more sense. So…take it”

Robbe opens the box and finds a necklace in it. There’s an angel on it. His eyes widen “You didn’t have to…” Robbe says, trying to hide his excitement.

“I wanted to. You wanna try it on?”

“Yeah” Robbe sits up a little so Sander can put the necklace around his neck, living a few kisses there. Once he’s done, he takes some time to look at Robbe.

“You’re beautiful” It’s all he can say.

“Stop” He says hiding his face.

“No! Let me look at your beautiful face!” He then takes Robbe’s hands out of his face. “My angel”

“Your angel?” Robbe asks, smiling.

“My angel” They kiss, for a long, long time before Robbe pulls away to sight.

“I have to get up.”

“No, you said we would stay here.” Sander puts

“I know but I have to see my mom today”

“Robbe, please don’t leave me…”

“Hey, uhm. I know it’s quite early but, do you want to meet my mom?”

“I—Really? What if she doesn’t like me because of what I did to you?”

“She’ll like you”

“You don’t know this, Robbe” Sander looks away

“I know she’ll like you because I love you” He says, putting one of his hands on Sander’s cheek.

“Kiss me, again please…”

“Only if you come with me”

“I will” And the making out session starts again

“We’re going to be late, Sander”

“Argh”

They get up, Sander asks many times if his outfit looks decent. It makes Robbe smiles because he didn’t expect him to be this stressed about meeting his mom. He teases Sander about it when they get in the car.

When they arrive, Sander gets even more stressed and Robbe takes his hand to reassure him “Hey, I told you it’s going to be okay”

“I- I’m just really anxious”

“I know but I swear, I told her you were coming earlier and she’s really excited and happy to meet you, don’t worry”

“I-”

“Hey, I think I owe you a kiss” He knew what Sander was about to say and to be honest Robbe just wanted to make him feel good and also relax him. That’s what it does to Robbe when he kisses him so maybe it’ll work. Robbe knows they need communication but he already knows there no use in talking about this right now because in ten minutes, his mom will open the door with a bright smile which will make Sander feel less like an intruder.

The kiss indeed relaxes Sander a little bit, feeling Robbe’s lips on his. The light necklace in the palm of his hand when he puts his it on Robbe’s neck, his fingers brushing through his hair. Some people might think that their relationship is too intense, they might say that no one should feel so much things towards only one person but it feels too good to care about anybody’s judgement. Yes, Sander himself was surprised because he had never felt such things but that’s what made him love Robbe this much. He would give anything to be with him, he had never known someone that fitted him so well. It feels like they had been searching for each other their entire life and Rebel by miracle lead Sander to the great love of his life.

A little time after this, they’re standing on the porch, about the knock on the door but Robbe stops Sander, already knowing what’s gonna happen. Then the door is opened by Marie who has a happy smile on her face “Sander!” She hugs him instantly.

_Oh yeah koala family, I see_ he thinks

He actually enjoys the hug a lot. He had never really received love from his family and Robbe’s mom doesn’t feel like a stranger, he already knows so much about her. Even her deepest secrets and her son, he knows him well. He suddenly asks himself _Why were you so anxious? She’s Robbe’s mom you dumbass_.

They have lunch together, Sander gets to know Marie a little more and by the end of the afternoon, they get home because Robbe is a little tired and maybe a little too clingy.

Before they leave though, Marie says “I’m happy that you’ve found your other half in my son” and that leaves Sander speechless. He didn’t expect to hear these words today, he didn’t even expect to hear them at all, he never thought someone would notice that’s how he feels about Robbe.

Maybe, when they get home they settle on the couch and order food because they feel too good in each other’s arms to move. But no one knows if it’s what happens…

************************

Today is what seems to be called a huge day, they are going back to work because, to be honest, it’s been quite a long time. And they need to get back to their “normal” lives, even if they’d kill to just stay a little longer just the two of them, together all day.

Robbe is a little stressed about the situation but this time Sander is with him and for real. He walks with him to his office and kisses him goodbye in front of everyone. He’s changing, taking a new step in life, that’s why he says “Hi” to everyone with a huge smile on his face. He looks very happy, maybe he’s smiling too widely which makes him look crazy but Robbe likes it because he knows it’s because he’s glad and it’s all that matters.

Zoe is still skeptical about Sander wanting to be kind with people and Sander knows it, that’s why today he asks her to come visit him in his office.

“Hi”

“Good morning, Alexander”

“You know you can call me Sander”

“I know” Zoe says “So, let’s get straight to the point. Why did you want to see me?”

“I’d like to invite you and your friends at mine for a diner, I heard Robbe likes them a lot so they’re invited as well.”

“And why would you do this?” Her face and voice soften

“Because of this situation, I don’t want Robbe to have to choose between people he loves, that’s why we should all get to know each other. I know I’ve been quite an asshole in the past and I admit it, okay? But he’s making me a better person, I want to deserve him, that’s why I’m changing. And I want to make him as happy as he makes me.”

“Okay, I’ll come with Senne, Milan and Noor.”

“Okay, see you all tonight”

************************

The day goes on and Sander comes home earlier to cook. When Robbe gets home too, he opens the door with a worried face “Sander?”

“Yes”

Hearing his voice, his face relaxes “Ah, thank god you’re here, I was so worried” Robbe says coming closer to hug Sander

“Hey, calm down I can hear your heart racing. What made you worry so much?”

“I wanted to walk home with you and when I wanted to tell you, you were already gone. You scared me; you didn’t even send a text”

“Oh, love… Sorry, I was in a hurry, I needed to make diner for tonight”

“Why? It’s just the two of us, no?” Robbe asks, now pouting. You have to understand he found Sander and he was worried and now he has to spend the night doing something else than cuddling with him… This is going to be so hard.

“I might have invited Zoe and your other friends for diner…”

“Really?”

“Yeah I want them to know that I’m not the monster I used to be, thanks to you”

Robbe now has half a smile on his face. It becomes a full smile when Sander kisses him.

************************

Soon enough, the guests arrive, all of them but Noor. Everyone has been harsh with Sander all night so Robbe brings everyone in their room (except Sander) to have a talk because he cannot let them do this.

“Guys what are you doing?” Robbe asks

“We’re protecting you” Senne answers

“But I don’t need your protection!” He’s starting to get angry, what are they thinking?

“Yes Robbe, you do, you don’t know who this man is-” Zoe says

“Me? I don’t know who he is? He opened his heart to me, his home. Trust me, I know him, more than you do since you’re not even trying to get to know him…”

“Robbe…”

“Milan, out of all people I thought you’d support me”

“I do support you, okay? We’re sorry, maybe you’re right and we don’t know him the way you do. We’re just really worried for you and we can’t help but be protective you know? You’re like a son to us now and we don’t want you to be hurt”

“I’d like to choose on my own who gets to hurt me” Robbe says instantly “But I know he won’t do it”

“Sorry” they all say in unison

“It’s okay, I get it. You just have to give him a chance.”

When they all get back in the living room, Noor has finally arrived and she’s surprisingly flirting with Sander. And Robbe can’t let this happen, it jumps out before he even realizes he has said it “So, I see you’ve met _my boyfriend_?”

“Y-Yeah” She answers a little taken aback.

Sander turns around with a huge grin on his face “Should we start eating?”

And they all get around the table. During the entire meal, Sander has his hand on Robbe’s tights to make him feel more at ease after what just happened. Because even if Sander thinks it’s cute and actually funny, he knows Robbe can also get insecure and he wants to care about him.

When they’re all gone though, Sander teases him “So, I’m _your_ boyfriend?”

“Yes”

“Yeah, you’re right, I’m yours”

“For real Sander, I don’t really know what you’re doing with me when you could have girls like Noor…”

“What? No Robbe stop saying this”

“It’s true! She’s cool, her past might be better than mine, she’s artsy mike you and-”

“Robbe, it’s not Noor that I love. Why would I want someone else?”

“Because one day you’re going to regret-”

“Hell no. Robbe I don’t know what I need to do to prove you that I love you. But I’m in for everything. I’ve made a collage of your face because I couldn’t stand the thought of not having you every day in my life. I need you; I love you. My words will never be powerful enough to make you understand what I really feel for you. Maybe with some time I’ll find the words but I’m not even sure I ever will. You don’t know what it takes me to not get up and kiss you when you get jealous or insecure or when you look sad, it breaks me not to be there for you all the time. If only you knew the things I would do for you, I’d dedicate my life to you. I’m not saying it because you need to hear it, I just truly and wholeheartedly love you.”

A moment of silence follows, it’s not cold silence. It’s just the time it takes Robbe to take it all in. And only when he sees that he’s ready, Sander kisses him. It’s a passionate kiss, it’s not fast, they take all the time they can to pour all their love in it. They lose themselves in the love they feel. When, by magic, they pull away and their foreheads meet Sander says “Do you understand? Did you feel it?”

Robbe nods “I’m just scared of not being special enough for you to never get bored of me”

“…Robbe…”

“What?”

“Come with me” He takes him to the couch and makes him rest his back on him “We’re not doing anything right now…But I’m not bored because you’re with me. See, there’s this hand I can touch your arm with and it gets all my attention.” He says while brushing his fingers on Robbe’s arm’s soft skin. “Or just feeling you next to me, that takes all my attention. I can think of how much I love you too, that’s so interesting. I could never get bored of you. There’s no way it’s going to happen, my love for you is still so curious. Boredom doesn’t come along the way if there’s love.” Sander kisses his neck. “And I love you, I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t know if I’ll love you forever or if life will take you away from me. But right now, I want to love you, every second I can so that we don’t lose the precious time that has been given to us.”

“Do you really mean this?” Robbe asks while turning around so he can properly look at him in the eyes.

Sander sighs “Do you really think lies are poetic like this?” he jokes

“I love you, sorry for acting this way”

“Don’t be, at least you were being honest with me. I love you too, so, so much”

You know, sometimes, if it’s the right person. Kissing feels like healing.

[Art that gave me the inspiration to write this fic](https://www.instagram.com/p/CBV327xJW_n/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god it always feels so weird to complete a work...  
> I really really hope you enjoyed!  
> I'll probably come back in two weeks but until it happens (and even after) take care of yourself and wear a mask, I don't want you all to get sick or hurt❤  
> Thank you for reading❤
> 
> Don't hesitate, comments and kudos are highly appreciated
> 
> Love you🖤Stay safe
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ironymane

**Author's Note:**

> So....  
> How was it? Do you like the idea?  
> I know this is not much for you to have an opinion but at least it's...something
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and than you for reading❤❤
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ironymane
> 
> Love you all❤Stay safe


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